Why do I always feel so sad when I hear the sound of his car driving off down the street every morning? It’s the worse feeling ever! Even though I know it’s only for a short while. It still feels like the biggest piece of me is missing. So I laid there though what it would be like if for some reason he never came back. I honestly wouldn’t even know how to function anymore. There would be no one to have dinner ready for anymore, no one to clean the house for anymore, no one to look pretty for and shower and smell good for anymore. Therefore, really no reason to even get out of bed anymore. But what’s worse is there would be no hugs and kisses to look forward to anymore.

Imagining it made it feel so real and it made me sad. Then I thought about all the ‘not so nice’ things I do towards him. Not necessarily to be mean or hurt him, but yeah. Things like getting mad that something wasn’t put away in it’s spot after it was used. Or getting short with him for the clothes in his drawer always being messy after I folded them all nice. Just stupid little things like that that have little or no relevance in the whole scheme of life. If the life I imagined ever did come true, I’d wish I never cared so much about those little things and spent more time caring about things that actually mattered. Things like making sure I did little things that made him feel good instead of dragging him down. Things like hiding little love notes for him in his lunch box so he finds it at work, or surprising him with his favorite homemade chocolate chip cookies for no reason.

Living with the regret of, ‘I hope he knew I loved him,’ would kill me . So I wanna make it so I have no regrets and I know that he knows I love him.