“For Now”

12.24.04

“For now…” words that have rung in my ears over the night and into today. Words that make me wonder if they’re a warning sign and if i should pay attention to all the little red flags that went up when the words, “for now” were said. But I don’t want to believe its true. I don’t wanna believe that I’m only good enough “for now” until the next best comes along to take everything I’ve been waiting for for so long away from me and then all the time I spent hoping that “for now” would last was a waste of my time. Cuz “for now” I’m good enough cuz there’s no one else, but when someone else comes along..I’ll be gone. I don’t mean to sounds mean..I’m not being mean, I’m just scared, those words scare me. “For now” kept replaying over and over in my head last night. I tried to block it out, but every time I’d look at the lines of light on my wall shining through the window..it only made me think of you and how you have them on your wall too. And that thought of you only led to the thought of “for now.” I was up forever trying to figure out just what those words are supposed to mean. But when I’d finally fall asleep I’d wake up about an hour later, see the lines on the wall, and “for now” was right there ..back in my head to haunt me again. I don’t wanna be just only “for now” so if you’re planning on something going on you better tell me and tell me now…I want to get this hurt over with now..